Personal Experience

I will never forget that first look…. I will distinguish you among many others…

“Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you!” (Isaiah 49:15).

Motherhood is one of the most rewarding experiences. Bringing a child into the world is a profound and unparalleled gift. Motherhood is a gift. Treasure your motherhood. Embrace it. Lean on it. Many fellow women are not granted this gift. I became a mother at the age of 29. I am a mother of three boys, of different ages. After natural birth, I thought that motherhood will come to me naturally but it didn’t. I nursed and nurtured my child. I worked hard for my child to get good care. I watched my baby grow. As the baby was growing so was I. As the baby grew, a lot of love grew within me. I prepared for the birth of my fist born as much as I can. Despite preparing extensively for my firstborn, I faced unexpected challenges, including postpartum depression. Attention to new moms, prepare for the birth of your fist one as much as you can. That does not mean that you won’t have surprised. Much preparation helps you get thru the hardest part of newborn stage.

Motherhood will feel unique and deeply personal with your own children. You can not experiment motherhood outside of your own experience. When you have your own child, you feel an intrinsic connection—they are a part of you. They resemble you in appearance or behavior, which can be both fascinating and, at times, challenging. For me motherhood is like a time machine. As if my childhood is replayed. Looking at my own children guff around, make stupid songs, I see myself in them. When they are engaged in nutty things, I have no excuses. I was the same when I was their age. Motherhood journey can be fun in this way.

Family Line

It is a great privilege to grow with your ancestors. Not everyone has the opportunity to grow up in their parents’ home or meet their extended family. A strong connection to a larger family network fosters a sense of belonging and boosts self-confidence. Research has shown that individuals with strong ancestral ties are less to engage in substance abuse, alcohol or drugs. Additionally, older adults with active family gatherings are less to suffer from major depression. Building these connections strengthens both individuals and families across generations. Ultimately, children’s character forms thru observation from an early young age.

Why Is Being a Mother Hard?

Pregnancy

Motherhood begins with pregnancy, which can be a challenging experience. Every woman responds differently to pregnancy—some manage it well, while others face significant difficulties, including bedridden complications. I personally experienced three pregnancies, each distinct and uniquely demanding. The physical changes are profound—by three months. All of my clothes no longer fitted me by six months. Basic tasks like bending were difficult at six months and on. Toward the end of pregnancy, baby movements felt awkward and laborious, akin to walking through water.

During pregnancy, I couldn’t tolerate any scents and different odor. My husband’s cologne made me choke. I was constantly short of breath. I couldn’t walk the stairs. I was constantly tiered. I was waking up tiered. I would take a shower and get super tiered. Tiredness was mostly during a third trimester.

Postpartum Depression

Postpartum depression is a real and serious condition that affects many otherwise mentally stable women. Hormonal shifts and sleep deprivation are significant contributors. I personally experienced perinatal mood changes after I had my first child. The sleepless nights heightened my sense of helplessness. I first one was a descent sleeper from the beginning. I was so worried. “What if my baby stops breathing.” I kept listening to my baby snores. Sleep deprivation left me without the energy to care for myself, my baby or my home. My first was born during harsh Minnesota winter. I was pretty much isolated, “in baby quarantine.” I was home alone. Winter isolation and husband’s long work hours were unbearable. Feeling of hopelessness took over me.

I struggled to find time for basic self-care. It was a privilege to take a shower. I couldn’t take my stinky body. When my baby was three months, I brought him with me. I placed him on the a floor bouncer bucked. He was playing and I was showering. During postpartum depression, I wished someone helped hold the baby for just a couple of hours. I recovered from my postpartum depression when my three-month-old started sleeping longer thru the night. As I became more confident in my new role, I was capable to overcome hopelessness.

Sleepless Nights

Bringing a newborn home comes with inevitable sleep deprivation. Thankfully, sleepless nights are temporary. Newborns need feeding every 2–3 hours, along with frequent diaper changes. My children developed more consistent sleeping schedules around three months old. Still, even then, they would wake up twice a night until they were 1–2 years of age. The lack of sleep left me feeling like a zombie, and I occasionally experienced blackouts due to severe sleep deprivation.

Financial Hardship

Financial challenges often come with the arrival of a newborn, especially if the mother is a primary breadwinner. Paid maternity leave, if available, can greatly ease the burden during this time. In my case, although I was not the primary earner, my income was still essential. My maternity leave was unpaid, and I had to return to work after 12 weeks. Living on a single income during my postpartum period was a significant strain. Funds were stretched thin for essentials like formula and groceries. Nonetheless, our situation improved once I resumed work.

It is Best to Have Paid Maternity Leave

Paid maternity leave is incredibly beneficial. Most workplaces need you to work full-time. This must be done for at least one year before your due date to qualify for it.

Guilt is Real

Do not let judgment wear you down—there is already enough guilt in motherhood. Avoid comparing yourself to other mothers. They seem more accomplished or capable, but you are not privy to their struggles. All mothers are humans, just like you. All mothers make mistakes.

Social Media

Social media can often be misleading. Instead of dwelling on comparisons, focus on learning from your role models or fellow mothers. Use social platforms to find practical tips for overcoming motherhood challenges. Still, take everything you read online with caution—your journey through motherhood will be uniquely your own. Trust and listen to your inner voice. Find what works for you family and stick to it. Much time is lost on social media.

Loss of Identity

Motherhood inevitably changes you—you are no longer the same person you were before your baby. In exchange, you gain a new and fulfilling identity: motherhood. While it is one of life’s greatest rewards, the transition can feel overwhelming. The joy of seeing the new life you’ve brought into the world thrive brings immense satisfaction. For me, the sense of lost identity was temporary. Once my children began sleeping through the night, I reclaim some of my hobbies, like baking and gardening.

Motherhood Penalty

The motherhood penalty is a reality for many women. Some employers hesitate to hire pregnant women. Others are more to lay off pregnant employees than their non-pregnant counterparts. For example, a friend of mine was terminated during her sixth month of pregnancy. Additionally, young mothers face wage discrimination. They are also deemed unreliable due to care giving responsibilities. For example, they take time off when their children are sick.

When Does It Get Easier Being a Mother?

As children grow, they start to sleep better and longer. Eventually, you will wake up one morning to find your young children still asleep. For my children, sleeping through the night began at the age of two.

It becomes even easier when they start school. You’ll have most of the day to yourself. After school, they are often tired enough to fall asleep quickly at bedtime. Motherhood responsibilities shift over time. Even as children grow, they will still need their mother’s guidance as a counselor, mentor, and teacher. Discipline remains an essential aspect of your role, just as important as providing for their physical needs.

Extra Challenges

• Late Nights Newborns need feeding every two hours during the first three months, which often means late nights. Before heading to bed, there is usually a long list of tasks to finish. You’ll go to bed hoping for a restful night.
• Feeling Trapped With a newborn, it can feel like you are trapped at home. This phase seems endless, but it is temporary. You will not manage to go to the store or work without arranging childcare. Relying on family, like grandparents, is usually a short-term solution. Unlike pets, caring for children requires constant attention and effort.

• Messy House Keeping the house clean with children can be challenging. Despite hours of cleaning, the home can be untidy again in seconds. You face crayon drawings on walls, holes in Sheetrock, spilled milk, and other messes. Young children are genius at making a mess in seconds.

• Financial Struggles Providing for an extra family member can strain finances. Parents must manage expenses while ensuring their child’s needs are met.

• Constant Responsibility Parenthood leaves little room for individual decision-making. Almost all decisions revolve around the well-being of your child.

Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Mother

The reality of motherhood often differs from what is portrayed or expected. For instance, raising a child can feel never-ending at times.

Interruptions are constant, making it challenging to finish tasks. Mom! MOM! Mam!The good news is that these challenges ease once children start school, allowing more time for personal endeavors.

Tantrums were particularly difficult for me. Despite adhering to expert advice, I often felt helpless. Shopping trips, for example, were especially trying. On one occasion, my three-year-old climbed a store shelf. He refused to come down. This led me to abandon in-store shopping altogether. I have been told that I had to be upfront with kids. “Use strategies.” Bla, bla, bla. IT DOES NOT WORK WITH TODDLERS. I waited for my children to turn at least five to negotiate. As a mother, you need to have a lot of patience.

Ways to Make Motherhood Easier and Fun

Support Groups Joining new mom groups can give emotional and psychological relief. Such groups are often non-judgmental and offer practical support.

Video Consultation When leaving the house is difficult, a video consultation with healthcare providers or mentors can also be helpful.

Engage Your Partner Involve your partner in household tasks and childcare. Be patient if he is not as efficient as you; the effort counts. Compliment him for his contributions, as positive reinforcement encourages continued support. Together, you can create a strong partnership in raising your child.

Create Baby Books Once your children start sleeping through the night, you will regain your energy. Consider documenting their early years in a baby book. These books can include an autobiographical novel, helping your child connect with their roots. Share your experiences as a new mom and include details about their arrival into the world. My children began reading their baby books once they learned to read, and they continue to enjoy revisiting these memories.

STOP Take a moment to pause and recharge. Mandatory tasks can be deferred when necessary. Focus on self-care and personal well-being. Consider stepping out and spending time with friends once your partner is home to give support. Taking these small breaks can help restore balance and energy.

Ways to Prevent Postpartum Depression

• Buy baby clothes in advance for at least the first three months (or up to six months).
• Stock a chest freezer with meals to last three months.
• Use disposable plates and utensils to reduce the burden of dish washing.
• Sleep when your baby sleeps, even during the day.
• Ask friends or family members to prepare meals or help with housework.
• Discuss household responsibilities openly with your partner and involve him in daily tasks.